McKneely Family Matters: May 2015

The CRAZIEST thing I've ever done. period.

Here's the story.

Early January I see a post on Facebook from President Linda K. Burton, General Relief Society President that says this:

I am preparing for a presentation and am interested in learning from you to guide me in my preparations.

• What are you doing to keep family history alive in your families and homes?
• What traditions do you have that come from your ancestors?
• What have you done in your families and homes to help your posterity learn from and stay connected to their family? ...
• What are some of the small and simple ways you add meaning to the daily routines of life as a result of the influence of family history?
• How do you connect your family to the spirit of Elijah?

(Roots Tech is a large Genealogical Conference held in Salt Lake City Utah, the LDS Church sponsors this conference, along with other people, but it's heavily supported by the church.)

I see her posting and feel an urgency to respond, I had many things going on at that moment, but felt so strongly I should respond that I dropped everything and "commented" telling our family's story about recording personal histories on video of my parents and then having mom die unexpectedly. My response just flowed, not a lot of thinking about how to word it, or editing, it just came from me. I finished and didn't think anything else about it.

About 3 weeks later, I get a Facebook message from someone at Roots Tech who wanted to talk with me on the phone. When we visited she told me how much Sister Burton enjoyed my story. I thanked her and told her she was welcome to use it. She then asked me if I would be willing to come share it in person as part of Sister Burton's remarks. WHAT?!?!

It was to be Valentines Day weekend. Funny thing, the night before, Stephen and I had been talking about a "guys weekend" skiing he'd been wanting to do with his brothers and he was asking what weekends he'd be available. He joked that he could go Valentines Day weekend, and kind of stomped my foot and persisted that he absolutely COULD NOT be gone on Valentine's Day. So I was a little sheepish when I had to call him and tell him it was me who was going to be out of town on Valentine's Day.

Things then really started working fast. They wanted me to re-work my "story" so they could edit it or approve it, and have it ready on a teleprompter. They wanted pictures to put up behind me as I spoke. Then they wanted a copy of the video of my mom.

I went shopping for new clothes, got my hair done, got my travel plans. I have the most supportive family and husband.

I arrive at the airport on Friday morning and Reid Moon, rare book collector and gentleman in my ward is on my flight. The plane we were supposed to be on was having technical difficulties and for a little while we weren't sure if it was going to be able to be used. I was very concerned as I HAD to be there that afternoon for a sound check and run through, as it was a holiday weekend, there were not a lot of available seats on other flights. I know that Reid was there to be a comfort for me as he went to work getting us both seats on flights that would get us there in time. Eventually, our plane was able to be fixed and we were only a couple hours delayed.

When I arrived in Salt Lake, it was a bit crazy to go to baggage claim and have someone holding a sign with my name where I was taken in a van right to the Salt Palace where the convention was going on. I was a bit early, so I was taken to lunch.

Then I arrived for sound check. I walk into the conference room (which was immense and held 14,000 people!) and up on the stage 100 feet from me was Elder Neil L Anderson of the quorum of the twelve practicing his remarks. gulp!

I then was introduced to Sister Burton. She embraced me so warmly and told me I was going to be the BEST part of her remarks. It was then I realized I was the only one they'd brought in to share in person.

I met the Foster Daughters, who had been "coerced" by their father to help him in his remarks which were in our session the following day, and President Tad Callister, General Sunday School President. I also met the entire General Young Women's Presidency, Sisters Oscarson, Marriott, and McConkie.

As I practiced my part I saw the smiling face of the wife of Elder Packer (the son) who approached me thanking me for sharing my story. I cried a bit, even though I had practiced it many times and was very comfortable, it was a hard thing to share without being emotional. I was a bit self conscious about it. Then after, Elder Foster told me to cry during the real thing just as I had in practice, it was perfect. That made me feel better.

The Foster daughters and the General YW Presidency all thought my story was touching and that it was hard to follow me. I was so warmly welcomed.

Following my sound check I was guided across to the Church HQ building where a camera crew was waiting to interview me and tape my story to use in other ways.

That evening I had plans to get together with some of my sweet roommates from college. I hadn't seen them since I left on my mission nearly 15 years previously. What fun it was to chat it up with them. Love these ladies!

It was at some point in this that I realized how this entire weekend was a birthday present from my mom. Her hand was in the details of all of this. The opportunity to share our family's story, the speaking and interacting with church leaders was thrilling to me, seeing friends I love dearly, even the help with the flights which usually would have completely stressed me out was taken care of. My mom was totally behind this.

Saturday morning I awoke and enjoyed breakfast and chatting with my favorite cousin Laura who lives in Salt Lake.....so fun!

The Saturday sessions of Roots Tech were full of counsel and instruction from LDS Church leaders. It was going to be streamed live on www.lds.org. I was excited to know that my family would be watching me from home. Friends had even leant my family a popcorn machine and I knew they were at home ready to watch me.

I was grateful to even have my own cheering section there at the conference. My mom's sister Lois and her husband Brian happened to be visiting their daughter Candace that weekend and they were able to secure tickets. My cousin Theresa also came. Seeing them before I had to go backstage was comforting and a welcome distraction.

Backstage was a lot of fun. I got to meet a few more LDS Celebrity folks: Studio C, Al Fox Carraway "The Tattooed Mormon", and Noelle Pikus-Pace the skeleton silver medal Olympian. So fun!

Backstage I took my turn getting "hair and make up" done. Sister Marrott made sure I got to use her favorite person. The sweet lady gushed over my outfit choice, make up job and hair color. Thank you Monica for the shopping trip, and Janice my "colorist who knew what she was doing!".

I hung out just off stage with the General YW Presidency who would be going after me. They were wonderful ladies, so warm and welcoming. What a gift to rub shoulders with them this weekend.

Then it came to be my time to share. Backstage, I thought my heart would beat out of my chest but when I walked onto stage I was cool as a cucumber. When I caught a glimpse of my sweet kids early in my remarks I almost lost it, but I gained my composure again and delivered my message.

Thank you, Sister Burton. About . . . a year ago, I had a powerful impression to start involving my children in family history work. I have 4 of them, at the time they were 9, 7, 6, and 3. Only two of them could read and none of them could type so indexing or using the computer would be difficult, but the impression was very strong as I thought and prayed about it.

That prompting evolved into "Family History Nights.” My parents lived close by and I invited them to prepare some stories about their lives, and come share them with my children. My parents were so excited! They prepared well, and brought pictures, maps, old toys, and cherished belongings. We didn't know how long of an attention span my children would have, but we were pleasantly surprised that even after an hour, my children still wanted to know more! They were asking lots of questions and were disappointed when our time together ended. Because my parents have other grandchildren who don’t live close by, they requested that we record their stories on video and we did.

First, we had an evening about my dad, followed by an evening about my mother. Next, they planned to share stories about their own parents, then their grandparents, and so forth. We had just completed our 3^rd Family History Night, featuring my grandfather’s life, as told by my dad. My children really enjoyed the life stories, pictures, and items that belonged to their great grandfather Lewis.

Less than a week after this meeting it was Memorial Day Weekend and my family was out of state for a wedding. I got a phone call that my mother had been killed in a car accident by a reckless driver who had crossed over a center median hitting her head-on and killing her instantly. . . . She was only 59 years old.

She was on her way home from a church ladies group meeting that had been about family history work. She was preparing activities for an upcoming family reunion that would bring all her children and grandchildren together for the first time in years. Some would be traveling from as far away as Japan bringing a grandson she hadn’t met yet.

One of my first thoughts upon hearing of her passing was the video we had made. What a treasure this video of her sharing her life story is to us now. When I told my children of her death, through their tears, some of their first questions were "What about our family history? Who will tell us about her parents?" It was then that I realized what an impact our “Family History Nights” had made.

I will be forever grateful that I listened to the prompting to involve my children in family history work. Watching that video now brings peace and comfort.

I now take lots of opportunities to share memories of my mom with my children. I tell them of her favorite things and things that made her laugh. I have found pictures of her with each of them and they are framed in their bedrooms. On her “Family History Night” she’d shown us a toy tea set she’d enjoyed as a child. My daughters were fascinated with it and plans were made for a tea party. The tea party never happened, but the tea set is now ours, and when we use it, we think about her. Through these things, my mother isn't forgotten. She lives on, in our hearts through the stories, pictures, and videos that keep her memory alive.

I felt really good about how I did. I felt my mom and other family members who had passed on there with me. I know that mine is a story that needed to be shared. I had many people who were touched by my story and encouraged to not delay to act on their impressions to do family history work and create memories.

A good friend's parents were sitting close up and snapped some priceless photos of me while on stage.

After the conference Elder Foster approached me again and thanked me for my story. He said that it will be used to help teach the importance of Family History work to the members of the church.

And while I was still back stage I got the courage to thank Elder Callister for his book, "The Infinite Atonement" which had helped me heal following mom's death. And then Elder Cook paid me a high compliment, "There are a few who can talk through their tears. Elder Holland can do it, President Eyring can do it, and you my dear, did it beautifully." WOW!

Sunday morning I intended to make it to church but by the time I ate and got ready there wasn't time. I really wanted to sit on Temple Square and reflect on the weekend.

I was able to meet up with a good friend from my mission. We'd kept up on Facebook and had tried a few times to get together and it hadn't worked. They were able to come and spend some time with me.

Then my aunt and uncle got me from the hotel, took me back to Candace's' house for lunch and then were kind enough to take me to the airport where I arrived home to some wonderful children who really missed me.

I was so thankful for the whole trip, A birthday present from heaven. What an amazing experience.

January 29th

Mom's 60th birthday

I'd heard of this idea that we each tie a message or write a message on some balloons.

So we solicited notes from everyone and attached them to balloons in her favorite color,

And gathered at her grave. We wanted everyone to have their own balloon but it was SOOOOO windy that day and they all got tangled into a mass. So we held the mass together and let them go.

Then something amazing happened. On the way home, my children looked out the window and saw a RAINBOW! It wasn't raining that day, but they saw a small rainbow. Rainbows have been her thing as we saw a double one the afternoon of her funeral, and upon seeing this rainbow, they said, "It's grandma! She got our balloons with our notes and is saying thank you!"

And I also wanted to include the sweet note my dad put on his balloon:

Happy Birthday Deon, my eternal main squeeze!

I hope you were able to see these beautiful balloons as they floated softly to the heavens. Maybe as they slipped from our view the angels parted the veil just enough them to slip through so you could catch each one and read their message.

We all miss you so very much, but no one more than me. How I treasure our 37 plus years together and all our vicissitudes of life. (I know how you never like that word) Well these last 8 months have been the greatest vicissitude of all for both of us,

And yet I finally have peace that it was your time to graduate from mortality and now you are on to the heavenly universities of higher learning!

How exciting and challenging your new post-mortal life must be! I am certain you are working with and teaching other women spirits who need your special love and nurturing. You have such tremendous gifts that Heavenly Father is now utilizing.

And I know you look in on me and our family often and just as we are praying for you we know and feel the special power of your prayers for us. We feel the blessings they bring each day.

Do they celebrate mortal birthdays in the spirit world or just the moment you pass through the veil? How "time" is measured there is one of my great wonders. In the bible we read that a day with

the Lord is as a thousand years for us here. So even if I live to 90 years old it may seem only a very short while to you that we were apart.

But for me it will seem so very long. But with the Lord's blessing and help I will endure and strive to be true and faithful to our binding temple covenants that seal us to each other for eternity and also seal our precious children to us and to God. What comfort the knowledge provided in the Gospel of Jesus Christ brings during all the vicissitudes.

Happy birthday, my dear eternal companion. I love you forever!

Don