10 Good Things About my Mom

Remarks shared at the funeral of Deon Merrill Lewis

“10 good things about my mom” By Melissa Lewis McKneely

SMILE

·         Her smile (brown eyes sparkled and it could light up a room!)

·         Laugh, she always said one of her favorite things about my dad was that he made her laugh, and he did through her whole life.

MUSIC

·         Songs at bedtime

o   I have a testimony sacred and dear to me...

·         Taught me that an alto line exists and to pick that part out, she sang that harmony part with confidence even though at times she (and I) were the only ones.

·         Loved music and made sure we loved music.  Our home on Sunday was filled with sacred music.

·         Her first church assignment in High School was to be the choir director of her congregation.

LOYAL

·         When I was in high school, she went to work for our state assemblyman. Us kids thought it was a strange fit because we never thought of her as a political person, but she was very passionate about our country and loved politics and was very good at her job.  She was very loyal to her boss who was being slandered in the public eye and press unfairly.

·         When you became Deon’s friend, she was your friend for life, she had your back, and everyone who met her felt of her warmth and love and acceptance.

CLONE

·         I am a lot like my mom, people often have said how I was her clone, and what a great compliment that is!  We worked well together, thought alike….

·         When I was growing up, I wanted to be just like her.  Our voices sounded alike.  If I had a dollar for everytime I answered the phone and was mistaken for my mother…

o   The calls went like this, “Hello?”  “Oh Deon, wah wah wah wah wah…”  “Uh, this is her daughter.”  “Oh, you sound JUST LIKE YOUR MOM!”

PASSIONATE

·         Mom got excited about certain subjects.  Emergency Preparedness was one of those.  She worked with a neighbor to organize regular block parties, coordinating with the city to blockade off our street so that the neighbors on our street could BBQ and meet.

·         But not only that, she and this neighbor, wanted to organize our neighbors into an emergency response team, every few houses were organized into a zone, and had a captain.  The idea was that in an emergency (in CA, earthquakes were the natural disaster most likely) that captain would check on their 3-4 houses and report back to either my mom or Debbie.

·         I will never forget the afternoon when we had a mock drill.  She issued a set of colored ribbons to each of our neighbors (Green—ok, Yellow—injury not life threatening, Red—urgent medical need).  Then, in our brown dodge Ram van, she drove up and down the street honking the horn signaling the drill.  And it was amazing to watch our street of neighbors practice the drill.

·         Our home was also well equipped with emergency evacuation kits, and supplies stored in easy to roll containers.  At times we would have family drills of what we’d do in an emergency.  “If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear”

EDUCATION:

·         Something I know my mom probably regrets about her life is that she never completed her degree.  She chose to be a mom and at the time, getting a degree didn’t work with that plan.  I once felt guilty that she didn’t finish school because I was born, but she was quick to assure me she would make the same choice again, it was the right one.

·         But she urged me to get my degree and I did.  While for now I choose to stay at home with my young family, my degree has proved to be so valuable to me in my life, especially in my current church assignment.  I’m so glad I listened to her.

SISTERHOOD:

·         It’s been said already how much my mom was always serving other women. 

·         RS president 3 times, stake RS pres and in stake RS presidency

·         When I was little I always had to play with my toy phone with a pad of paper and something to write with because that's how mom used the phone

·         I learned how to serve The Lord in my callings giving Him my whole heart; I think I learned how to manage a demanding church assignment (as I do now) while balancing a family because I watched her do it over and over.  I never felt pushed aside or not taken care of, she taught me so much by her example.

·         She loved associating with her “sisters” at church.  Her real sisters lived so far away; many of these women grew to be surrogate family.

·         I asked her once how she learned to be a mom, she said that her “sisters” from the Relief Society taught her.

·         SHE ALSO LOVED HER real sisters.  I remember driving from CA to WA for a family reunion with my grandparents.  When we pulled up to aunt Lois' house grandpa hadn't yet stopped the car when she was out and running into the arms of her sister.  She was the favorite sister and aunt, she was told many times.  It somehow increased my status among the cousins because my mom was the “cool” one.

FAITH in the Savior:

·         My mom loved the Lord.  I learned my first lessons of the Gospel of Jesus Christ from her, by watching her example, by her lessons in the home, and by listening when she spoke.  Others have shared with me, many of them, that when Deon spoke, you listened.

CHILDREN:

·         Loved her children and grandchildren.  We were perfect.  She wouldn't accept anyone's criticism of us, not even my dad could say something negative about us, we were perfect just the way we are.

·         3 John 1:4 “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth”

·         My mission, at the MTC she in a weak moment begged me not to go.....annoyed our ward with a countdown for months of when I'd be home.  I have a video of me getting off the plane and her voice saying nope, nope, nope every time someone got off the plane that wasn't me. Our family had two missionaries out at the same time, my brother and I entered the training center a week apart.  She missed us terribly, but was happy where we were.  I remember telling them on the phone I was going to extend for a transfer (7 more weeks) and my mom was silent, my dad was going ho! It would mean I wasn't home for Christmas like she had hoped.  But those next few weeks changed the course of my life as it was during that time I met Stephen.  I'm so grateful she supported me.  She always supported her kids.

·         As we were visiting the other night, my sweet sister-in-law said, there is no great worry over words left unsaid, mom always told you how much she loved you every time you were together or spoke.

DAD

·         My parents loved each other completely.  My dad says that she probably told him 10-15 times a day that she loved him.  He was a romantic and always used his expertise in design and his flair with words to write her poems, draw her pictures, and created beautiful art to show his love for her.  I always knew they loved each other, and that they were 100% committed and faithful to each other.  I am so grateful for that example.

·         Even in her last time to speak in church, which was ironically her last Sunday there, she said that my dad was the love of her life

·         When my father served as bishop, she supported him magnificently.  Never complaining of the hours it kept him away or the constantly changing plans, the times she could tell that his burden was heavy as he helped families in need.  He never broke a confidence, people would call the house wanting to talk to him and they would speak with her supposing she knew of their situation because they were married, but she would always tell them she didn't know, that my father has kept their situation completely confidential, my father is a man of great integrity and she respected him for it.  When he was released she said she didn't want it to end.  She saw all the blessings that came, the added measure of the Lords spirit in our home, the added business that kept our family temporally taken care of, she said she could have gone another 6 years.  What a powerful example to me.

I am the person I am today because of her.  She was the single most influential person in my life.  She was my biggest cheerleader and #1 fan.  They moved here after my family did and she loved telling people that she was my mom.  Sometimes it was embarrassing because she told EVERYONE that she was my mom but I know that it’s because she was proud of me.

I know she’s not gone.  I know that I will still feel her influence.  I know that I will see her again.  I know that families can be together forever, that God needed her more than we did.  Heaven gained an angel, a hard worker, a woman who will minister to other women.